3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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