The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
