it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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