i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
