well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
