I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
