There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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