I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
