U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize