We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize