Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
