Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
