I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
