Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize