Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
