I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
