So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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