I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
