the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
