another moral hangover. fuck.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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