Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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