I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
