Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
