And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
