"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
