so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
