I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
