My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
