thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize