I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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