Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
