i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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