So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There's even glitter on my cock...
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