I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
