So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
