Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
