i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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