Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
