I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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