and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The air taste purple.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
