I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
