He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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