i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
