My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
