You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
