If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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