and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
