but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
