Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
