it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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