I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
