so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
