Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I touched a dick in church today
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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