my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
