I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
