what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
