she smelled like a LAN party
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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