Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
