The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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