Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
