Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
