Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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