the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are leaves in my underwear?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
