I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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