Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
