none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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