just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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