Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
