So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
